The Support Dilemma: Are We Helping or Heavy-Lifting For Our Students?

Adults who work with young people know this moment: you’re pouring in energy, offering guidance, and trying to spark motivation, yet the student doesn’t respond. You start to wonder if you’re pushing harder than they are.

In my current role as a program advisor for high schoolers, I help students explore their postsecondary options. Some days, it feels like I’m opening doors they just won’t walk through. I’ll set up opportunities, explain pathways, break down steps and still get blank stares, shrugs, or silence. It’s discouraging, because nothing moves forward without their participation. When students don’t engage, the work comes to a standstill, and I find myself questioning whether my hands are tied or if I’m carrying too much of the load.

Teachers see this too. The students who won’t ask for help, but expect you to notice, the disengagement in class, and even a few emotional outbursts. Point is, resistance shows up in many ways. But here’s the tricky part, what looks like disinterest or defiance isn’t always what it seems. It can be fear, overwhelm, or simply a lack of tools to handle the situation. Sometimes the best thing we can do isn’t push harder, it’s to step back strategically. Let them take ownership, let them fail, let them try again… while staying available when they’re ready.

Support doesn’t mean doing it all for our youngsters. It means walking beside them, steady, consistent, and with clear boundaries. Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is put the towel down for a minute and let them lift themselves. Because at the end of the day, support isn’t about swooping in and saving them, it’s about standing with them while they figure out how to rise on their own.